Rebecca's Story

TALE OF THE FOUR BRIDES

My Story 

PART 1 

As a young girl I often dreamed of the day I would meet that "special man", I would look at my mother's wedding photos for hours and admire her beautiful wedding ring. I loved reading books where the princess fell in love, and a cute romantic story always got an "awwwwwwwww" out of me! I loved doll houses, and loved having my little doll family. I wanted to someday meet a guy, fall in love, get married and have a family too. 

My world changed when I became 15 and suddenly realized that I wasn't as thin as most of my friends. I began to feel very uncomfortable about me and who I was. The slow weight gain had started when I was 13 but I never realized something was "wrong" with me until the age of 15. 

In my mind if I wasn't thin, I wasn't beautiful, and if I wasn't beautiful ....no guy would ever have any interest in me. With that idea in mind I panicked and tried to lose weight. With my mom's encouragement and help I did lose some weight, but I would hit a point where I wouldn't lose any more weight for weeks and weeks. I would get discouraged, frustrated and give up. It was a vicious cycle. 

During my teen years I actually had very little interest in guys. Most of the boys my age were.... let's say very immature. Not what I was looking for at all. I had an idea of what I desired- I wanted a steady, godly man with a great sense of humor. Add a laid-back, down-to-earth mentality and that was "perfection"in my mind! 
I knew what I wanted, but I was scared to death that I wasn't pretty enough to catch a guy's eye. 


 

In the summer of 2007 things in my life started to change. I was fresh out of high school and had signed up for a Summer Missionary training program. I was so excited! A whole summer of learning how to teach the Bible to kids and time with other teens my age was awesome! What could possibly go wrong?? 

There are many things we never "prepare" or plan for as a teen..... Crushes being one of them. 

Yes, little old me who thought that all teen boys were immature experienced a crush. 
Unlike the other guys my age, this particular young man was more mature, he wanted to serve God with his life, he was funny and down to earth. It was the first time I had ever met a guy like that. I started trying to get to know him better and become his friend. 



. 
 And this was more then just a "crush" to me. There was more at stake. 
I was plagued with feelings that my looks would keep me from finding a guy. I was hoping beyond hope that this guy might like me back, even if I wasn't as pretty and thin as other girls. I was hoping that maybe he would like me regardless. 


As the summer months passed my crush turned into an obsession with this guy, even though I hadn't seen any definite return of my feelings. I wanted him to like me, I NEEDED him to like me. 

With the start of fall my parents told me that I was to cut off any communication with this boy and move on. He was not showing any return of feelings for me, along with other problems. I was devastated. 

He didn't like me, he had never liked me.... 

Was the fact that I wasn't as thin as other girls going to ruin any chances to get a guy? My heart ached from the desire to be loved someday... was it never going to happen?

When I was younger I had read an article on plump/overweight children, and one phrase I read has never left my mind. "People who are overweight have difficulty gaining respect from others, even if they are overweight themselves" 

The thought that because I was not as thin as others would make it harder for me to gain respect bothered me alot. Add to it that I couldn't get that boy's attention and I was devastated. I was scared. 

Regardless of fears life goes on, and God guides our steps even when we live shrouded in our fears. 

It was the day before the start of the fall semester of 2007 and I was signed up as a freshmen in the Night College (NESB). My best friend, Galina, was starting her freshmen year at the Day College (NEBC).

Now that I was a "college student"- I was able to attend the college Sunday school class.

As a nervous 18 year old, I walked into a classroom filled with new young faces, only a few students I knew from previous years, since I attend the church that runs both the evening and day colleges.

I scanned the room for Galina, but she wasn't there yet, and only a few chairs were available in the crowded class room. I walked in and quickly sat down at a front row desk. A new freshmen college student was sitting to my left.

"Hi," I said.

"Hi, I'm Justin," he answered.

"I'm Rebecca, nice to meet you," I replied.

At that moment Galina walked in and I began chatting with her.... without ever realizing that I had just said hello to the guy I would someday wed. 

In the meantime however I was starting college, trying to make friends and trying to get over the pain I felt from that crush. I was tortured by thoughts that I could never talk to anyone, let alone a guy, and that they would not like me or respect me because of my weight. 

The College valentine banquet was coming. 
My brother's friend Mark L, someone I have known since we were toddlers, asked me to go with him to the banquet. He was not too enthusiastic asking a girl he didn't know and so... I went with him since he had known me since I was 4 years old. 

The table we ended up being assigned to sit at had an engaged couple, a girl and guess who? That college guy Justin. Well, truth be told only Justin and I talked that entire evening at our table!

We talked about our favorite board games as I can recall. I thought he was a pretty nice guy, and I wondered if he would become one of my friends after that banquet. I felt relaxed and comfortable around him. 

I began to get a little hopeful, but we never spoke to each other again the rest of that semester!

So, I shrugged my shoulders, "oh well,"

He did strike me as a rather peculiar sort of guy....

Summer break begins....

I kept myself pretty busy that summer, I attended a music camp, helped run a class in VBS, spending time with my friends and having a good time when the bad news arrived. 
My two best friends were moving away, out of state, far away. I was devastated. They were my best friends, and at that time my only friends.... and they were leaving???



The days before they moved and after they moved were tearful for all of us. 
We had grown up together. 


Then began the fall semester of 2008 had begun.

I had taken a break from college classes for this semester, because I wasn't sure what the Lord wanted me to do. I had started an application process to the day college for the secretarial course, but felt that this was not what God had for me.

My church began a kids' Bible program once a month, on a Friday night, called "Kingdom Kids". I was one of several teachers for this program and we were always looking for helpers!

I happened to ask Justin if he was available after many others said they were working that night.

"Sure, I can come, what time?" he said.

I taught the lesson that night, it was quite an exciting story and I was VERY animated. I remember asking Justin what he thought of the lesson when it was done, "Those kids didn't move! You really kept their attention!"

A few days later I thanked Justin for coming by to help out.

"Hey, by the way, how did you know I was off of work Friday?" he asked.

"I didn't know, must've been the Holy Spirit!" I smiled and walked away.

I was starting to like him...but I was scared.

I didn't want to have another crush! I wanted something that was real and not just because I felt insecure about myself. I wanted someone who liked me for me. 

I tried to not think about guys at all by that point. I didn't want to get hurt.  
A few days later I finally prayed, "Lord, you know the perfect plan for me, I am going to stop worrying about guys and start focusing on Bible College. I want to wait for Your Best for my life"

The Christmas banquet was coming....

I wondered if maybe this nice guy was going to ask me to go with him....

or if I was going to attend it alone.

I went alone.

I went alone to that Christmas Banquet on December 12th 2008. 
I walked in alone and some girls came over to ask me to sit with them, I was relieved until I realized the only available table had me sitting apart from them.
I had to sit alone. 
I remember thinking..."oh well guess I'll just enjoy the food..." 
And then I heard "Mind if I sit with you?" 


It was Justin. And I said yes. 




We talked during the entire banquet. We talked about God's leading in our lives, our interests, even our hopes for the future. It was a wonderful night. I remember after leaving the banquet and going home I kept wondering what was going to happen next....


The following week Justin left for Christmas break. I didn't see him or talk to him for a whole month. 
It was the LONGEST month of my life! 
"What if he comes back....and he never talks to me again?"
"What if he comes back...and we do talk again?" 
"What if he doesn't come back at all??"


I prayed and prayed that whole month. I was so scared! I liked him. I wanted him to like me too!! 







The Sunday of the end of Christmas break had arrived, and the college students were returning that morning. 
My mind was busy with wondering what would happen when and if I saw Justin.... what should I do? What should I say? I finally decided that if Justin was interested in me I would let him make the first move. 


I arrived at the Sunday school class and scanned the room after I sat down. Justin was there. My heart was pounding. After we were dismissed I left the classroom. A few minutes later he was right beside me talking away about his Christmas. 


We kept talking....and in a few months we had officially started courting. It was so amazing! 



I could hardly believe that I had found a godly man, one who loved me so deeply, and thought I was gorgeous.  I was so thankful and surprised!! I had honestly thought that no one would fall in love with me!! I was so happy to be wrong! As our relationship grew I would often pray and ask God to bless us, and to show us what His will was for our courtship. 



I still struggled from time to time about my weight, and how Justin could love me when I "looked like this" and he would assure me over and over again the he LOVED me the way I was and that I was beautiful to him. 
My feelings of inadequacy began to slowly lessen. 






I know appearance and being beautiful  isn't the most important thing in the whole world. 
But God made us to desire and enjoy beauty. Every girl wants to be beautiful for her special man. And the right man will think her so, and tell her so!! 
But being beautiful or handsome isn't everything. I sought for a man who was godly, and wanted to live his life serving the Lord, and I found that man!!





A year and a half later, my wonderful boyfriend proposed! 


And a year and a half later from the proposal I married Justin, God's perfect will for my life! Our wedding day was perfect, and so amazing! I am so thankful I waited for God's best for a man, and that He gave me a man who truly loved me!!












Once in a great while I will still feel "not pretty" but Justin always fixes that attitude!! :) 
I am so thankful for my husband's love and for his sweetness to me! 


I am also thankful that I waited for Justin, and that I chose to trust the Lord for the perfect husband for me! 





When I started writing out my story for "The Tale of the Four Brides" series, I thought of so many different parts of my courtship and what my theme should be, I realized that my struggles with my appearance might be a blessing to other girls who struggle with those same feelings! I hope I was a blessing to you!! 



   


Rebecca is the creator of  "Tale of the Four Brides", as well as the author of the blog Butterfly Days  
Rebecca and Justin live in New England and a currently serving as the Youth Leaders at their local church.